(Editor's Note: The following article was submitted to us as another view on this topic. Gary, its author, can be reached at: glr@shaw.wave.ca )
 

Without a doubt, it is not easy to be gay and blind. Those of us who are sighted and gay, know only too well the difficulties and pain encountered on a daily basis. How much more traumatic must it be for blindness to be added to gay in the minus (-) side of the Plus (+) and Minus (-) scale of life.

To be a life sharing partner to a gay and blind person is not a role for everyone, as it takes special qualities to meet the ever existing demands ..... this can be said of any couple situation (homosexual or heterosexual) where one has a handicap and must at times rely on the other for assistance.

My partner was not born blind; on the contrary, with the gift of sight he enjoyed fully the exuberance of youth that was in the decade of the 60s and 70s. The one thing that got in the way as he approached his late teens, was to feel alien to his peers who by now were dating the opposite sex. Even as he joined them in substance abuse, there was a part of him that did not belong .... how many times have we heard that phrase, and how well we know the feeling!

One evening while on a 'trip' with a buddy, he produced a hand gun and asked his friend to put an end to his misery. His friend in a total state of stupor and oblivion obliged ..... BANG!

And this is my story! - To preserve his privacy I shall call my partner Bennie (not his true name.) Bennie and I met four years ago via a telephone introduction by a mutual friend. I was living in British Columbia and Bennie in Alberta. Circumstance in our life were less than congenial. Bennie had lost his partner just three months before, and I was at the point of ending my eight year relationship. Soon after that initial telephone call and subsequent others, I was driving to Alberta to meet someone I had never physically met. All I knew of Bennie was that he was blind and spoke with a heavy French accent, an ex patriot of Quebec!

Driving through the night, negotiating the snow and icy highway winding through the Canadian Rockies, I had plenty of time to think. My initial purpose for making the trip was to get away from my own situation for some space in which to figure things out for myself, and the direction I wanted my life to go. Bennie needed companionship and was kind to have accepted my self invitation for a visit. The rest is history and does not warrant mentioning here.

We made the commitment to enter into a monogamous relationship on June 26, 1994 Ste. Jean Baptiste Day. I was short a few weeks to being 63 and Bennie had celebrated his 39 birthday just that past Christmas. Is age difference, as much as 22 years in our case, a factor (?) ..... it can be!

This is putting the generation gap to the test at the very least! Couple with this a vast difference in social background, and one has the ingredients for a potential disastrous relationship. But, as it has often been said - Love conquers all!

In as much as I was gifted with the special qualities, I must give most of the credit to Bennie for our successful marriage. Thirty-two years of life sharing with my first true love gave me an advantage. Having grieved my loss of him to an auto accident we were both in (1985) has helped me to understand and have empathy for Bennie's grieving process so that I was able to be supportive. We were both very much conscious of not making the mistake to compare partners. The upper most quality in Bennie that has gained my respect, admiration and reinforce my love for him is his ability to recognize his flaws and his sincere desire and application to make changes - not for me - for himself! These are major changes to the life style he has been accustomed to for (at this writing) 42 years. No mean feat!

At any age, but more so at mine it is tiring to be picking up after another because Bennie had forgotten where he left it and can't see to remind himself.

Much as I enjoy driving, it is not always a pleasure to take Bennie to his appointments especially when it's downtown and parking is at a premium.

For me, cooking is a hobby rather than a task, yet at times I must force myself to prepare a meal even if Bennie is considerate enough to settle for a bowl of soup and a sandwich.

I have my own set of problems, physical as well as emotional, and of the two of us, I consider myself more fortunate. But there are times when Bennie feels very insecure in his world of darkness, and I must gather enough strength to be there to comfort and reassure his frighten child within. To be a loving parent is a challenging career.

Describing the world to him as I see it with my eyes are not always understood, and patience is a virtue!

It is not always possible to avoid noticing watching eyes and heads shaking from other diners in restaurant as my partner attempts his best table manners but the pea refuses to stay on the fork.

Staring down questioning looks from others as I wait in public washroom while my partner answers the call of nature, has become a fine art for me.

To be diplomatic in hushing up Bennie's loud enthusiasm in a small waiting room meant for five people but holding fifteen, surely warrants me a commendation from the Governor General.

To lose my precious Bennie in a crowd of Country Rock concert goers at the Calgary Saddle Dome, is to know what it's like to have a heart attack.

Like magic I sometimes have to conjure up a safe place to park along the highway when Bennie has to go!

And so the list goes on ..... !! Do I regret any of it? The answer is a most emphatic no. Like I said, I give the credit to Bennie for making the changes he wants in his life.

If you want to know more as to how you can have an ideal life with your Bennie you may email me >>> glr@shaw.wave.ca